A Typical Day with Akatsuki
by AkiraDawn
Summary: So what does happen on a typical day with the Akatsuki? Well...why don't we find out! Enjoy! Rated for language
1. 6:00 Time for the Office

A Typical Day with Akatsuki

As usual, I don't own Naruto and I make no money doing this

Thursday: 6:00 AM

Every week day, the alarm clock in Sasori and Lola's bedroom goes off at 6:00. Sasori is always the first one awake. He turns the clock off, turns the TV on and wakes Lola up. Once she is awake, he goes downstairs to start a pot of coffee and fix Lola's lunch. Lola usually spends a good five minutes deciding what she's going to wear to the office takes another 25 minutes to do her hair and makeup. Then she goes downstairs to have coffee and breakfast with Sasori. It's nice because every morning they are the only ones up this early and the house is so quiet. This morning's breakfast is glazed donuts left over from the previous day and the conversation is reflected best portrayed in Lola's hatred of mornings…

"What time do you want me to pick you up today?" Sasori asked. There were days when Lola drove to the office, but there were some days when Sasori kept the Acura and just picked her up when she was done.

"Anytime after 5:30 is fine….unless my dumbass bitch assistant Jonathon gives me retarded ass paperwork….then it will be 6:15."

"Alright, I'll be there at 5:30. What do you want me to get at the store today to cook?" Sasori asked.

"Hmmm…I would say fish but Tobi got sick last time. Dana's on a meat free kick. Marisol has dance rehearsal until 9:00 and Deidara and her will get something. Itachi complains about everything….screw it we'll go out and take Hidan with us so he isn't stuck here eating frozen fish sticks…hell those freak Kisame out."

"Okay, that sounds good."

"I may be ready to blow someone's head off tonight. I meet with a client today concerning a high profile divorce case….some high maintenance bitch wanting a divorce from her cheating ass husband…this will be fun." Lola said partially sarcastically, partially serious. After they finish breakfast Lola goes back upstairs to get her briefcase, laptop, purse and coat while Sasori heads outside to warm the car up in the cold before they leave. The time is now 7:05. Lola has to be at the office by 8:00, her first meeting today is at 9:00. Lola makes certain to take a thermos of coffee to work with her because she hates the "nasty ass shit they brew in those unwashed pots". By 7:15 Sasori and Lola leave the quiet house for the law firm downtown.

Now, despite how orderly the morning goes from 6:00 until 7:15, by the time Sasori returns from dropping Lola off at 8:00….that's when everyone else begins to wake up….and do their normal annoying things

8:10 AM

Sasori returns from dropping Lola off at the office. Kisame is the next one that is awake in the house. Of course he's barely awake by the time Sasori walks in the door.

"Hey, have you seen this stupid morning news program? I mean it's so stupid! All they talk about is weather and basketball scores!" Kisame told Sasori as he displeasingly watched the channel 9 news broadcast.

"Can't say as I've noticed but it wouldn't surprise me." Sasori got a cup of coffee and sat down with Kisame.

"So uh…..your grandma called while you were out this morning." Kisame said reluctantly. Sasori nearly choked on his coffee. It wasn't that he didn't like his grandma…it was that his grandma had never met Lola and there were three things Grandma Chiyo didn't like: 1. Lines in the ' 10 items or less' Lane at Wal-Mart 2. People from Connecticut 3. Lawyers. So with two out of three things on her dislikes list applying to Lola….it was a delicate situation.

"Wait….what did my grandma want?"

"Damn it, I was afraid you'd ask me that..she uh..she was thinking of coming to visit for a few days."

"Oh god, oh god, oh god….if she comes to visit that means she meets Lola which means…oh god can open…worms everywhere!" And so Kisame had officially stressed Sasori out already.

"Well, you never know maybe it will go well if your grandma visits." Kisame tried to convince Sasori.

"Go well? That's like saying Deidara will never again get his hair stuck in the toaster!"

"Hmmm…you might be right." Kisame said. By 8:25 Zetsu, Hidan and Kakuzu are awake. Hidan starts each morning with a fifteen minute prayer to Jasshin. Kakuzu counts all the money he has hidden under his mattress and Zetsu just goes downstairs to find the paper.

"Morning, does anyone know where the coupon section is of the paper?" Zetsu asked.

"It's behind the classified ads." Kisame told him.

"Alright, there better be some coupons for those microwave pizza rolls this week."

9:00 AM

Marisol comes downstairs fully dressed and ready to head out to the salon. She has to be at the salon by 10:00. She finishes up at the salon at 3:00 and then heads to dance class from 5:00-7:30 on Thursdays. Deidara will take her dance stuff and drop it off at the studio as well as meet her for dinner before her class starts. Thursday's class is a pointe class so she always comes home with sore and aching feet.

Dana is awake simply because Marisol is awake and today they are trying to decide what day is best to go tanning.

"Okay, I can go on Monday, Wednesday or Friday of next week, yeah." Dana said.

"Hmmm…..okay. I can go on Wednesday!"

"Wait, can Itachi and Deidara go on Wednesday, yeah?" Dana wondered.

"Oh, I don't think so. Itachi has that thing and Deidara has a waxing at 3:00." Marisol said.

"Oh my god what is he waxing, yeah? See, he went through this phase when he was like 16." Dana said.

"Brow waxing, I told him I would do it but I couldn't get the right kind of sugar wax at the salon so he's going to that really trendy place in the mall." Marisol explained.

"I thought he was over his waxing thing but obviously not, yeah. What if we made an appointment on Monday?"

"Hey we can do Monday! I don't work on Mondays and our dance class is over at 11:00. Oh my god we could so go after class is over!" Marisol said excitedly. "Wait, wait….me and Deidara have to take Princess to the vet, she has her shots Monday. I guess that leaves Friday."

"Okay, Friday at 1:00, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Yes! So we'll book 4 twenty minute sessions." Marisol said.

"Oh my god I so can't wait, yeah!" Dnaa said.

"I can't either! I love tanning!"

"Me too!

"AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! TANNING!" That concludes the morning's most annoying disruption. And to think, it wasn't even 9:30 yet.

Hey everybody, I'm posting a new poll this week. I'll announce it when I post it. Thanks for voting…I'll announce the results when I close the current one!


	2. Message from the Leader

9:30 AM

Unfortunately, by 9:30 Deidara is now awake. He must spend the night thinking of at least 1000 questions to ask the next day because every morning he does the same thing….he comes downstairs, makes toast with apple sauce and takes it to the couch beside Sasori….where he drives him fucking insane…

"Hey Sasori…Danna…I was wondering why is it called a sesame seed bun, yeah?"

"Because it has sesame seeds on the top of it." Sasori answered him dryly.

"Okay well, have you ever wondered like when you look in the sky and sometimes there are starts and like other times….there are so not, yeah?" Deidara continued.

"It's called clouds, Deidara."

"Oh my god, are you serious!? And all this time I thought it was because the moon was blocking them, yeah! Alright well why is it when you go to the store and there are those free sample things that you are only supposed to take one. Yeah?"

"There's nothing that says 'take one' it's simply an appropriate social norm that most people follow in public." Sasori explained getting more pissed by the minute.

"Okay, now what exactly is a….social norm, yeah?"

"It's a….oh my god don't you have something to do?"

"Hey I have a totally serious question, I have so been wondering about this, yeah. Why are there 10 for 10 dollar sales when you don't have to buy 10 things to get the things for one dollar, yeah?"

"Go away." Sasori answered him. Fortunately, Itachi arrived downstairs to save Deidara from getting his ass kicked.

"Come on, we're going to the fitness club. The pool is open until 12:00 and I want to get at least 10 laps in."

"Itachi you know what the pool does to me hair, yeah!"

"You can do something else while I'm in the pool, now come on. I have clothes in this bag. We can change when we get there." Itachi demanded of him.

"Alright, but hold on. I'm asking Sasori questions. He always knows the answers, yeah."

"NO! I WANT TO LEAVE NOW!" Itachi shouted at him.

"Hold on Itachi, I want to finish this toast and I have four more questions, yeah."

"DEIDARA GET YOUR ASS UP AND COME ON! I'VE ALREADY CALLED A CAB!"

"Okay, okay. Here I come. I'll ask you later Sasori, yeah."

"I can't wait." Sasori said with the most sarcastic enthusiasm you could imagine.

Itachi dragged Deidara out of the door and once again Kisame and Sasori were alone in the living room. But now, it's 9:45. Tobi is just starting to roll out of bed, as well as Hidan. Every Thursday, Hidan is responsible for making oatmeal for Tobi. So, hidan heads downstairs to look for the instant strawberry oatmeal.

"Hey, are you doing the bills today?" Hidan asked Sasori.

"Yeah, I'll work on them this afternoon."

"Alright, good because I have some receipts from Kakuzu's stupid banking account where he made some deposits."

"Okay, just give them to me later." Sasori told him.

"TOBI! WE'RE OUT OF STRAWBERRY OATMEAL WHAT'S YOUR SECOND CHOICE!? TOBI, SERIOUSLY….WHAT IS IT?"

"BLUEBERRY, THEN APPLE, THEN CINNAMON, THEN PEACH, THEN…." Hidan cut Tobi off.

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH DAMN IT!" Hidan started to search through the kitchen for the blueberry oatmeal. He found one packet left in a box and proceded to fix it for Tobi, unfortunately he forgot to put a paper plate over the bowl in the microwave and it exploded everywhere.

"SHIT! FUCK! DAMN! SON OF A BITCH!" Hidan screamed at the microwave. Now, not only did he have to clean the microwave, but now he had to find Tobi another flavor of oatmeal. Tobi came bobbing down the stairs ready for oatmeal.

"Hidan! The oatmeal is all over the microwave!" This did not make Hidan happy.

"I KNOW THAT TOBI! DAMN FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT OATMEAL!" Hidan started digging through the kitchen for more oatmeal. He found the apple flavor and now it was time to clean out the microwave and try again.

10:00 AM

Zetsu and Kakuzu are up which means now everyone is awake and accounted for. They are both pretty low maintenance in the morning. However, Kakuzu complains that Zetsu's showers are too long and that it uses too much water. Hidan finally gets he oatmeal situation under control in the kitchen and Tobi gets his breakfast. At this point there is approximately 23 seconds of silence…..until Kakuzu picks a fight with Hidan.

"Hidan! I have told you a hundred times to pick the towels up from the bathroom floor upstairs! They are always wet and I always trip over them! Why the hell can't you pick them up?"

"I told you! You can't hang wet towels up! Seriously, that's just not smart!"

"So, do something else with them!"

"Shut up! We've been through this a hundred times! You know I don't approve of hanging the wet towels up again!"

"It's your fault when I trip over them and break a leg!"

"Oh just go to hell!" Hidan yelled at him.

"Don't use that tone with me!"

"Don't tell me what to do with my towels, seriously!"

"You are so lazy! You can't even hang up towels!"

"You're a worthless fuck you can't even rationalize about the towels!" Thank goodness Zetsu was around to stop this argument before someone got thrown outside.

"Hey, move so I can get to the orange juice." Zetsu ordered going into the kitchen.

"Oh, okay."Hidan said calmly moving aside for Zetsu. Itachi and Deidara had left for the fitness club. Kisame can't wait because Dr. Phil is about to come on and he simply must tune in to Dr. Phil every day. As the 10:00 hour begins, this is when Sasori goes back upstairs to make the bed and take a shower. He always waits until everyone else is up and out of the way. Today being Thursday, it's also the day he throws all of the laundry he and Lola has accumulated over the week into the hall to wash it later. Fortunately, Tobi parks it in front f the TV with Kisame, Hidan loads the dishwasher, starts it and goes into the forbidden territory….Itachi and Deidara's room to look for new towels to replace the others in the bathroom….after all Kakuzu's bitching had to stop. As for Kakuzu and Zetsu they attempt to work the crossword puzzle in the newspaper. By 10:15 Sasori has the bed stripped and a giant pile formed in the hallway. Now is the time when Princess walks down the hall and jumps into the piled up laundry, then Sasori has to shew her out and throw the pile down the stairs toward the utility room. It is also at this time that both Zetsu and Kakuzu realize that they cannot complete the crossword puzzle and they give up and look at the movie times instead…even though they never go to the movies.

10:30 AM

Pein and Konan arrive with a message from the leader….today's message reads as follows:

'I need someone to go to Hallmark and get me a card….it needs to say something to the effect of I'm sorry about the whole walking in on you and your girlfriend but I was kind of obsessed with power that day. Please accept my wife's homemade meatloaf as a gift. See what you can do…I don't accept failure.'

"Where the hell are we ever going to find a card like that?" Konan asked.

"Don't worry, Hallmark has an 'alternative message' section. We'll find something." Pein said.

"Or hey we could just get one of those cards that are blank inside, you know so we could write our own message for the leader." Zetsu suggested.

"Does the message have anything else in it?" Kakuzu asked.

"Oh, yeah there's an addition here at the bottom…. It says 'By the way, please delegate two of you to go capture Gaara, he lives in the sand country so ask Sasori for directions, he should know how to get there….on second thought just send him, he'll get there faster and have him bring back that amazing bread they bake up in there. You know, never mind the bread, you'll have your hands full with the Gaara kid. Unless you take someone with you then I guess in theory they could watch that the bread didn't get smashed on your way back…it's your call'."

"Damn it! I was afraid the leader would have us do something stupid like go capture someone, I hate capturing people! It's such a pain in the ass!" Kisame said.

"I know! The cloaks get all dirty, Itachi gets insanely irritable, Deidara whines about his hair in the hat and Sasori constantly bitches about not having cell phone service….HE DOES NOT NEED TO MAKE THAT MANY CALLS!" Zetsu ranted.

"Wait….what about receiving text messages?" Pein asked.

"Damn it Pein! I say we send Tobi, he needs something to do besides watch Dr. Phil with Kisame." Zetsu continued. And so as we can see….10:30 has only just begun…


	3. Hallmark and McDonald's

11:00 AM

Hidan and Zetsu leave to go to Hallmark to get the leader's sought after card.

"Oh my god, let's go to McDonald's while we're out and get a combo meal." Hidan suggested.

"Yeah, okay that sounds good. But wait, shouldn't we call and see if anyone else wants anything?" Zetsu asked.

"Definitely, get a note pad and we'll call, seriously. Except Kakuzu don't get anything for him…since he's a stupid ass!" Hidan added. Zetsu took out his cell phone and called home. It was unusual that Konan answered considering she didn't even live there."

"Hey Konan, me and Hidan are going to McDonald's after we go to Hallmark you want anything?"

"Yeah, I'll have a crispy chicken sandwich…HEY PEIN YOU WANT SOMETHING FROM MCDONALDS?" Konan yelled into the phone. Okay, he said yes…he wants a 6 piece chicken nugget combo with a regular Coke. Alright, Kakuzu wants anything from the dollar menu…wait…wait…Kisame says a Big Mac without the special sauce." Hidan was writing all this down as quickly as he could. "Sasori wants a quarter pounder with cheese combo, just a cup of ice no drink and Itachi and Deidara aren't back from the gym yet…so they're out." Konan finally finished.

"Hidan did you get all that?" Zetsu asked.

"Yeah, I've got it but tell them it will be about an hour, we're going to be a while in Hallmark."

"Okay, we'll be back later. Don't be calling us changing your orders!" Zetsu ordered. And so Zetsu and Hidan ventured into Hallmark. Back at home, Sasori has a load of clothes in the washer and is working on the monthly bills. He usually has them done in about 25 minutes…that is when Tobi isn't interrupting him. Currently, Tobi is making Play Doh food and spreading it all over the table. Unfortunately, Sasori also needs the table to spread receipts out.

"Um…Tobi could you maybe play with the Play Doh on another table?"

"But….this is the big table." Tobi said.

"Yes….but I'm working on our bills and those are a little more important than the Play Doh."

"Hey! Do you want me to make you a Play Doh fish?" Tobi asked disregarding Sasori's statement.

"No, I want you to take the Play Doh somewhere else."

"Aww, alright…but tell me if you want a Play Doh fish!" Tobi said finally understanding that he had to move.

"I don't know. I first have to deal with my grandma wanting to come visit…then I'll deal with the Gaara thing." Sasori answered him.

11:15 AM

"And so I was like that's my shampoo I brought it from home, it has my initials on it, yeah. And you know I think the guy was gay because he sniffed me after that."

"I CANNOT BELIEVE MY STUPID LESS ATTRACTIVE BROTHER WAS AT THE FITNESS CENTER WITH KABUTO! I MEAN MY GOD AS IF EITHER OF THEM COULD EVER KEEP UP WITH ME!"

"You know the more I think about this…other weird stuff has happened at the fitness center too, yeah. Like the time that one guy took my Ralph Lauren shirt!"

"THAT PLACE REALLY NEEDS TO HAVE SOMEONE AT THE DOOR TO ADMIT THE PRETTY ONES AND REGECT THE UGLY ONES…SASUKE WOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN IN! MY GOD, AS IF HIS HAIR COULD EVER COMPETE WITH MINE!"

"And there was that time when someone took shower gel, yeah!" This annoying exchange of the fitness center experience continued until Kisame finally got sick of Itachi's yelling about Sasuke being less hot.

"ITACHI! WE GET THE POINT! WE ALL WANT TO HAVE UNTAMED SEX WITH YOU!" Kisame said more than annoyed.

"Now, I'm going to have to go rewash my hair, yeah." Deidara said leaving for the shower. Now as for the Hallmark expedition…

"Oh hey, check this one out 'Sorry…sometimes I'm just kinda freaky like that'." Hidan suggested reading one of the alternative message cards.

"That one sounds good…oh my god Hidan would you look at this sign!? If we buy 13 cards and sign up for a Hallmark frequent buyer card….we can buy this magnetic refrigerator card holder for the low, low price of $5.95!" Zetsu seemed excited.

"Oh my god we so fucking need that! I mean my god it's magnetic, it's sticks to the fucking fridge! Think of all the cards we can display! LET'S SIGN UP NOW!" Hidan agreed enthusiastically.

"Okay, okay first we have to pick out thirteen cards, so we've got that one. Oh! Valentine's Day is coming up let's get one of those…" Zetsu said.

"And a….OH MY GOD A JASSHIN CARD SECTION! A JASSHIN CARD SECTION! I COULD…..OH GREAT HOLY JASSHIN IT'S A BOXED CARD SET! I MUST HAVE THIS!"

"Ooooooh a glittery card….that would fascinate Marisol…even though it does say 'to a number 1 aunt'." Zetsu picked up that card. "Awww, a card with a little plant on it…I'll send that one to the leader. Congratulations on your first time…now that's….I've just never seen a card like that." Zetsu continued picking out cards. "Oh here's one with a long sappy and emotional message. Hey, Hidan have you picked out any cards yet?" Hidan appeared with four stacks of boxes and ten other religious cards.

"Check this out Zetsu, seriously. 'May you walk the path of all paths'. See, see that's SO Jasshin. Oh, oh and look at this one….'Seek ye the prayer that we prayeth each day' SO FUCKING JASSHIN!"

"Alright, so I'm thinking we're ready to sign up for the card, get the magnet thing and go to McDonald's." Zetsu said looking at their giant stack of cards.

11:40 AM

"Hey, does this look good on me? Hey, I'm asking you a question! Oh my god, quit punching buttons and tell me I look good!" Itachi swatted at Sasori's hand which wasn't smart.

"Oh my god! Can't you see that I'm totaling our bills for this month!? Must you be such a bitch?" Sasori asked irritated.

"Well, now that I have your attention….is this hot?"

"If I said no would you freak out and go change like seven times?" Sasori asked laughing at the thought. Itachi swallowed hard.

"Yes." He answered.

"It looks fine you look amazing. We're all envious of your amazing and unsurpassed beauty. My god Itachi we want to be you SO BAD and…." Itachi cut Sasori off.

"All right ass hole that's enough of your sarcasm for one day! God, why do you always have to do that." Itachi was now in front of a mirror just making certain that everything was perfect and that he did in fact, look amazing. By the way…I've actually never done bills before…how exactly does that work?" itachi asked.

"Come over here and I'll show you." Sasori said punching away at the calculator.

"That's okay it looks complicated, besides I have better things to do…like read this latest issue of Vogue that I didn't know we got in the mail! Stupid ass Deidara is holding out on me!" Itachi said.

12:00 PM

"Oh my god! The people at the McDonald's downtown are completely stupid! Do you even realize how many damn times I had to ask for a drink caddy!? I mean it's as if they thought me and Zetsu could carry everything….WITHOUT A DRINK CADDY. I mean seriously come on people!" Hidan ranted on as he sat the McDonald's bag down.

"Why do you two have so many cards?" Kisame asked.

"We have a frequent shopper card at Hallmark now! Every time we buy 12 cards….we get two free!" Zetsu explained.

"At last our birthday card problems are solved." Kisame said sarcastically as he dug through the McDonald's bag and started spreading everything out on the kitchen counter.

"It's about time you two get back." Kakuzu said.

"Yeah like you would even know what we went through at McDonald's, seriously!" Hidan started to fight him but decided it just wouldn't be worth it. "Oh by the way, I got at least 4 handfuls of ketchup….don't get me started on how I had to ask for that 10 times before I got it!" Hidan added.


	4. Tobi's Meniacal Plan

12:30 PM

Amazingly, all is quite calm in the akatsuki house. Deidara had left to be with Marisol at the salon until she went to dance class. Itachi was upstairs arguing with Kabuto on the phone, Sasori had finished all the bills and had gone for a jog to the end of the road and back with Hidan. Tobi was actually doing something quite productive….developing an evil, manipulative plan on the best way to get Gaara and bring him back to the house and hold him captive until the leader got what he wanted from him. So far Tobi had come up with three ideas: 1. Convince Gaara that we have freshly baked cookies at all times and that we never make the same cookies twice in one week. 2. Tell Gaara he's been pre selected to receive 12 complementary DVD or XBox game rentals and in order to claim this amazing prize he would have to come to our house. 3. Bring him back kicking and screaming. Kisame was watering some house plants that he was trying to get to grow in the utility room and Zetsu had the horrible job of cleaning out and rearranging the fridge. Pein and Konan were now entertaining Princess with a toy mouse.

"Stupid lunch meat! How long has this been in our refrigerator? Oh, sell by Nov. 21…god it's a good thing no one has tried to eat this." Zetsu said pitching the meat in the trash. "Damn it! Who put the cheese sliced in the same compartment as the eggs….probably Kakuzu since he INSISTS on saving refrigerator space." Zetsu mumbled.

"God, why don't we have one of these cats? Look how fun she is!" Konan asked.

"I don't know….I thought we wanted an iguana?" Pein asked.

"Oh yeah, that's right we did talk about an iguana." Konan asked watching Princess roll around on the floor. "But you know, iguanas aren't fluffy….Princess is all kinds of fluff."

"Yeah, she is all fluffy."

"Oh my god! What the hell!? This is from New Year's Eve! Why didn't Hidan throw this out after he was done with it!? This is not a college frat house, we don't eat pizza that's four days old! And we don't drink beer for breakfast! Why I outta….." Zetsu rambled on with no one really listening to him.

"I swear to god I hate Kabuto! You know what he just told me on the phone? Do you want to know? You want to know what Kabuto just said to me? Okay, you will never believe this he accused me of having…..acne! And you know what else? He is trying to tell Orochimaru that I get weekly facial treatments of eucalyptus and aloe to treat it!!! OKAY, FIRST…..I HAVE NEVER HAD ACNE IN MY LIFE! IN MY LIFE! I HAVE AMAZING LY SEXY SMOOTH SKIN! AND SECOND….I USE ALOE TO SOOTH MY FACE AFTER A ROUGH DAY OF DEALING WITH DEIDARA!" Itachi paused and huffed in disgust. "Oh my god where IS Deidara? I need him NOW!"

"He's with Marisol. She isn't coming home until like 8:00 tonight so he went to hang out with her at the salon until she goes to the dance studio." Pein answered.

"What!? What!? But….but I need him NOW! Kabuto, just pissed me the hell off! What am I supposed to do now without him here. Dana can't take any calls right now! She's teaching dance classes. OH MY GOD I'M ALL ALONE!" Pein, Pein will you fan me off I think I'm starting to hyperventilate. OH MY GOD I CAN FEEL MY FACE GETTING HOT! KABUTO IS SUCH A DUMB FUCK!" Itachi said panicking.

"You know, he is kinda hot." Konan admitted. "I mean if I hadn't met you, I would have gone after him."

"So what made you pick me?" Pein asked her.

"What can I say, I have a weakness for the tall ones."

"Aww, Konan….yeah I am like six inches taller than him." Pein said picking Princess up and putting her on his lap.

1:00 PM

Hidan and Sasori have now returned from their jog.

"Hey, why do you think that crazy neighbor down the road has Easter decorations up in front of her house, seriously?" Hidan asked.

"Probably the same reason she puts Halloween decorations out at the fourth of July." Sasori answered.

"Good call. Oh check it out! Zetsu cleaned out the fridge!" Hidan said opening up the fridge looking for bottled water.

"Thank god that's done. Alright, I'm going to take a shower and then….oh god….I'm going to call my grandma….god that is going to…..oh god I'm getting nauseas just thinking about it." And Sasori left to go upstairs.

"Oh my god! Can I listen on the other end? I want to hear what she says when you tell her you're sleeping with a woman from Connecticuit…..god she's gonna….she's going to freak the hell out! She'll like….fucking send an army down here man. You're grandma is gonna…she's going to whomp our asses…well mainly yours but the rest of us are here too. Seriously and when you tell her she's a lawyer….OH MY FREAKING GOD…shit this….damn….I should start praying right now." Hidan announced. "Sasori? Are you ignoring me? Oh, that's a yes."

"Pein, I have it all figured out! The way I see it, if you start saving fifty dollars every month for the next year….you will have enough money to buy that giant inflatable banana for the pool." Kakuzu said.

"Okay….um….why have you been budgeting my money for the past 25 minutes?"

"Because Pein! Saving money is important! I mean just look at me! I'm a smart money man!" Kakuzu said.

"Oh my god, Kakuzu! You are the stingiest person I've ever met!" Hidan told him.

"Don't start with me holy ass!"

"OH YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME THAT YOU IGNORANT……HE SHOWERS WITH HIS MONEY BESIDE THE SHOWER!" Hidan shouted. Kakuzu gasped.

"YOU….TAKE….THAT…BACK!! THAT IS….OOOOOH…THAT IS SUCH A LIE!"

"OH AND LIKE THE FACT THAT YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR MONEY TUCKED UNDER YOUR ARM ISN'T!?"

"HEY, THAT WAS ONE TIME AND IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE I KNEW OROCHIMARU WANTED TO BORROW 5 DOLLARS TO GO TO BORDERS!"

"You lying sack of shit…..you can't buy anything at Borders for 5 dollars and you know it!" Hidan accused.

"IT WAS A BOOKMARK!" Kakuzu yelled.

"Uh huh…I bet it was Kakuzu…and I bet that….YOU'RE A LIAR BECAUSE OROCHIMARU ONLY READS MAGAZINES!" Hidan yelled at him.

"YOU CAN USE A BOOKMARK FOR A MAGAZINE!" Kakuzu yelled.

"NO YOU CAN'T! YOU JUST TURN THE CORNER OF THE PAGE DOWN!" the yelling continued between them.

"Why are they arguing about this?" Pein asked Kisame who had finished watering his house plants.

"Is it really a surprise to you? They argued over the four sizes of O's in a can of Spaghetti O's once." Kisame said.

"You do have a good point…I'm not certain why I'm so shocked by this." Pein said as they still fought in the background. But they would certainly be finished by the time Sasori got on the phone with his grandmother. Hidan was not going to miss that.

Sorry this chapter was too short, I decided after I posted it. Anyway, here are poll results and thanks to everybody for voting! With 16 votes Itachi, you are the sexiest!


	5. Shouldn't Have Watched the Tape

1:00 PM

"Grandma? Hi Grandma, Kisame said you called. Yes, yes grandma. No grandma I haven't been to therapy now for 3 months. Yeah, I'm a lot better. No grandma I'm not on drugs! The therapy helped me a lot and now I don't need it! Grandma…Gran….Grandma no I'm not in a cult, I'm not taking drugs and I'm not abusing alcohol."

"Tell her you're banging a LAWYER!" Hidan yelled from across the room. Sasori flipped him off.

"Grandma, Kisame said you wanted to come visit? When would you like to come visit? Anytime is fine grandma. Yes we have a guest room for you. It's okay grandma really you don't need to bring any food. I can cook. Grandma it's okay my friends are not drug dealers! No…no….gran…..grandma, grand….grandma stop talking and listen. You don't need to bring any insane puppet armies, I'm not being held hostage. No…no…gra……grandma….it's okay grandma we use soap! No…wait….gran…gra….wait….GRANDMA WE OWN SEVERAL SETS OF SHEETS! Listen, how about you fly here and I'll pick you up at the airport whenever you want to come. Grandma, airplanes are not owned by a secret organization of demon spies we've been through this before. Grandma we don't need a rental car Lol….I mean I bought a car recently so I'll just pick you up and that way you don't have to worry about your fear of diseases in rental cars. Okay, okay fine grandma do whatever you want, freaking row here in an inner tube if you want, just tell me when you want to come and we'll be ready. Okay, yes I love you too. I'll see you then." Sasori hung up the phone. "Oh freaking fucking shit she's coming in two weeks."

"Dude, you left out some crucial information in that conversation." Hidan reminded him.

"Is this visit going to cost anything?" Kakuzu wanted to know.

"No dumbass it's his grandmother she doesn't cost anything!" Hidan yelled.

"Well she's going to turn on lights and that uses electricity!" Kakuzu argued.

"I am NOT getting into this with you!" Hidan said.

"Okay, so you're grandma's coming in two weeks, it's no big deal. We'll just buy some extra chips." Zetsu said.

"You may need to make a pitcher of iced tea…just in case she likes beverages." Pein added.

1:20 PM

"Does anyone want to play Twister for practice?" Tobi asked.

"No Tobi, we go through this every day. Nobody wants to play Twister for practice." Zetsu said.

"I don't understand why. If we play Twister for practice, then when the time comes for us to be in the big Twister tournament…we'll win for sure!"

"Tobi, there will NEVER be a Twister tournament!" Zetsu told him slightly annoyed by this since they went through this every day.

"Hey, do you think I would look better in white or blue?" Itachi asked.

"White or blue what?" Konan asked.

"Well see, these new shirts are actually something Deidara ordered from the Armani Exchange catalog…but I mean let's get honest….he can't pull these shirts off….not like me. So which one?"

"Why is it you always take his stuff?" Konan asked.

"Oh my god who's side are you on!? He's blond he can't wear white well!" Itachi insisted. "Besides, he definitely doesn't the new shoes that I got from eBay…they are kick ass." Itachi said.

"Watch this…" Konan whispered to Pein.

"Doesn't your brother….oh what's his name…shoot….that brother of yours? Doesn't he have those shoes. Sasuke! That's his name! Yeah, that's it…he has those doesn't he?" Konan did this because of the reaction she was about to get.

"Oh my god! Do you honestly believe that Sasuke has any taste at all in clothes? He would never ever ever pick out nice things. My god he wears a purple rope, that's not pretty!" Itachi yelled at her. "And another thing when we were kids he always wore one blue sock and one black sock! I think it's because he's color blind, that stupid foolish brother of mine!"

"Um….Itachi that one time when the leader gave us random eye exams…wasn't your eyesight terrible from years and years of use of the Sharingan?" Pein asked with slight maliciousness in his voice.

"You son of a bitch! Are you calling me NEAR SIGHTED!?"

"Yes." Pein said.

"You worthless fucker! You know, I think this is your way of dealing with your insecurity…you know attacking my gorgeous dark eyes to cope with your horrible hair and those hideous piercings!" Itachi challenged.

"You have really white teeth." Pein said completely diverting all the personal attacks.

"Hello, I use Crest dental whitening strips as directed! Me and Deidara started that like six months ago." Itachi said. Wait…do you think his teeth are whiter than mine? You don't do you?"

"Itachi for like the fifth time today. We think you're so fucking sexy that in fact I'd like you to take me upstairs right now and have your way with me." Sasori told him.

"Oh you are such a smart ass! You are even more of a smart ass than Lola…and she's awful when it comes to stuff like that!" Itachi scolded him.

"Oh my god you're still pissed over that time Dana asked her what pro bono meant and she…." Sasori started laughing. "Oh my god that was…." He was still laughing. "Lola totally had her going…she swallowed that so bad! God, does she still believe that!?"

"Oh you just go to hell you unengaged sorry ass red head!" Itachi stormed off on that.

"What the hell? What does pro bono mean? And what in the world did Lola tell Dana?" Kisame asked.

"Pro bono is handling a court case free of any charges…now as far as what Lola told Dana…god my imagination runs wild. I know it had to have been something dirty and something to keep Dana guessing for a few weeks."

"Hey look what I found! It's Itachi, Dana, Marisol and Deidara's video tape from Cancun!" Zetsu said digging underneath their TV looking for the TV Guide.

"Let's watch it!" Tobi insisted.

"Okay, that's actually a good idea. I've never seen Cancun." Zetsu said. And so, Zetsu put the tape in the VCR which we will find out this turned out to be a terrible choice….

1:45 PM

"OH MY GOD! TURN THAT THING OFF! TURN IT OFF OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO CANCUN!?" Kisame yelled covering his eyes. It was beautiful when Itachi was videotaping the ocean, the waves, the beach, the bar and now…well….let's just say no one had seen that much of Dana…or Itachi….or that position….

"OH MY…WHERE'S THE…WHERE'S THE DAMN STOP BUTTON! PRESS STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PRESS STOP!" Hidan screamed.

"Hmmm…I could charge money for this….." the oh so money minded Kakuzu plotted.

"Oh thank god that's over. Hurry and rewind that thing and if anyone asks we NEVER EVER found that." Zetsu said completely shocked and traumatized.


	6. Tobi Can't Cook

2:10 PM

The phone rings and Zetsu is nearest to it so naturally, he answers.

"Hello? Oh hey leader. Yeah Pein and Konan are here. Your dry cleaning? You have 37 dollars in dry cleaning to be picked up? Oh it was your grandma's afghan? Yeah I guess we can pick it up. Alright. Yeah, you can pick it up tonight. Okay bye." Zetsu hung up the phone. "Hey, Deidara needs to pick up the leader's dry cleaning later."

"Do you really think Deidara will do that and not spill something on it between the cleaners and here?" Kisame asked.

"He can handle it. He'll be back here soon and we'll just send him out again, he'll drag Itachi out there with him and by the time they get back we will be ready to handle their shenanigans." Zetsu said.

"Tobi? Tobi what are you doing…Tobi…Tobi NO! NO TOBI!" Hidan yelled at him. "Tobi you know you're not supposed to…" BOOM….. Hidan stopped talking and had a very disgusted look on his face. "Tobi….you know that you're not EVER supposed to be in the kitchen alone cooking chicken noodle soup…BECAUSE STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS!"

"Hidan, it's alphabet, see watch I will spell Hidan…H-I…"

"FORGET THE SPELLING! YOU BOILED THE SOUP! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BOIL THE SOUP! THE SOUP FUCKING EXPLODED AND NOW HERE WE ARE COVERED IN FUCKING LETTERS AND A TOMATO BASED BROTH! OH GREAT…JUST FUCKING GREAT THERE'S A CHUNK OF CELERY AND A PIECE OF CARROT IN MY HAIR! TOBI OH MY GOD TURN THE HEAT OF THE STOVE OFF! OOOOH SASORI IS GOING TO MURDER YOU! YOU MAY AS WELL EXPECT A POISON DART RIGHT IN YOUR ASS BECAUSE HOLY JASSHIN ONLY KNOWS WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL YOUR FACE IS!"

"Hidan….should I get a paper towel?"

"Tobi….WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK!?"

"Ooooh look they are the paper towels with the cute little animals on them!" Tobi said showing Hidan the roll of paper towels.

"Tobi I really, really, don't give a shit if THERE WERE PICTURES OF OROCHIMARU DANCING IN A FIELD OF FUCKING PANSIES WITH KIMIMARO ON A WARM SUMMER DAY IN JULY ON THERE! WE ARE COVERED IN SOUP AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!" Well, Sasori entered the room at just the wrong time.

"Who the hell left Tobi unattended at the stove in the kitchen?" He sighed. However, no one had a chance to confess because the door flew open…Deidara was back home from his afternoon with Marisol.

"Hey, you know those 'everything's a dollar' stores, yeah? Oh my god! Did you know that stuff is actually a dollar in there, yeah? I never knew that! I always thought that was just a store name. So anyway, me and Marisol went in to one of those stores and look we got bubbles, and rubber bands, and a ceramic turtle, and a magnet that say '#1 Golfer', and this coffee mug, yeah! And oh check this out; we got a box of Cracker Jacks, some artificial sunflowers, a pocket calendar, this nifty ink pen with pink ink with this wacky feather topper. I thought that would be fun for Sasori to write checks with, yeah! Look! Little plastic party favors, a pair of giant sunglasses and lastly a roll of mints, yeah! It was a really fun lunch hour today!" Kisame, Zetsu, Pein, Konan and Kakuzu were simply staring at him in awe.

"Deidara…did your mom do crack or….maybe drop you on your head when you were born?" Deidara thought a moment.

"This one time when I was three my mom said that I ate a piece of soap, yeah. Oh and this one time when I was seven I fell off a bicycle into a tree, yeah."

"Ah yes, that explains everything." Konan said more to herself than anyone.

"Hey, Deidara you're going to pick up the leader's dry cleaning today."

"Oh I am? Let me just wash my face first, yeah. Oh my god! I so love that dry cleaner smell!" Deidara said scampering away upstairs to apparently wash his face and inform Itachi.

"Itachi, we're going to get the leader's dry cleaning today, but I just HAVE to wash my face first, yeah."

"Did you go to that 'everything's a dollar' place today or something?" Itachi asked putting the oh so coveted issue of Vogue down.

"YES! See, I got bubbles, and rubber bands and a ceramic turtle, and this magnet that says '#1 Golfer' and this coffee…."

"Okay, whatever…I'll look at your crap while you wash your face and then we'll leave." Itachi interrupted him. See everything would have gone just absolutely fine but fate would have it that downstairs Sasori was taking an important phone call, ignoring the whole soup incident when this happened….

"AAAGGGHHHHHH!!!! OH MY GOD! I GOT FACIAL CLEANSER IN MY EYE, YEAH! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! ITACHI! OH MY GOD IT'S STINGING! AAAGHHHHHHHH!" Itachi threw the magazine down and hurried into the bathroom.

"DEIDARA HOLD STILL! DEIDARA….OH MY GOD QUIT THRASHING!

"IT'S IN MY EYE! IT'S IN MY EYE! OH MY GOD IT'S IN MY EYE...AAAAGGGHHHHH IT BURNS, YEAH!"

"DEIDARA! STOP THRASHING! HOLD STILL DUMB ASS! I'M HERE FOR YOU…I'M…I'M HERE FOR YOU MAN IF YOU JUST CALM DOWN!" Itachi tried to convince him. Meanwhile downstairs.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to call you back…see all hell is breaking loose in this house and I swear to god I would have been better off opening a day care center back in the Sand Country. But no, all of my decisions are right now coming back to bite me in the ass because there is a soup catastrophe in one room and a screaming idiot in another….so just give me twenty minutes to get back to you. Bye." Sasori hung up the phone. "See, see this is EXACTLY why people like Deidara's mom should NEVER have unprotected sex and exactly the reason why the leader should pre-screen all potential members to make certain they are stove competent!" Sasori said more than irritated. Back upstairs…..

"AAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"DEIDARA! I HAVE A TOWEL JUST HOLD STILL! JUST HOLD…..AAAGGGGHHHHHH! OH GOD NOW YOU FLICKED SOAP IN MY EYE! OH MY GOD THIS SHIT BURNS LIKE HELL!"

"I KNOW, YEAH! AAAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!

"AAAAGGGGHHHHHH! AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH! I CAN'T SEE! OH MY GOD I CAN'T SEE! MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN! MANGEK……OH MY GOD IT'S NOT WORKING! STUPID CLEANSER! AAAAGGGHHHHHH!"

"AAAGGGGHHHHHH, YEAH!"

"Hey, leader….yeah…about that dry cleaning? Deidara may not be able to pick it up before closing hours tonight. See, he's having another one of those moments of his. No, no not those kinds of moments where he confuses the words 'two' and 'too'. It's more of a…why do I screw up the simplest things kind of moments. Yes, like the time he got his hair stuck in the ice cube maker. Okay…alright…bye" Zetsu hung up the phone. "I think the leader understands."

"There! Now Tobi, seriously go take a bath! We've cleaned up the kitchen but you're still tomato-y." Hidan told him. "And don't come out of the shower until you are tomato free!" Hidan added. Thank god it was 3:00.


	7. Tobi Helps

3:00 PM

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeeeeeease?"

"No."

"Please, please."

"No." There was a long pause.

"OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! YEAH!"

"OH MY GOD! FINE! FINE! IF YOU WILL JUST SHUT THE HELL UP FINE!" Sasori said more than pissed with Deidara.

"Yessssssssss! I have so never been to an actual law office before, yeah!"

"Well, listen when I pick up Lola tonight you can't do anything stupid. We're going to drop you off back here and then she and I are going to dinner. Do you understand that? Don't ask Lola anything stupid tonight, she's probably had a hard day."

"Akasuna no Sasori! When I have EVER asked anything stupid. I mean I only think of smart and intelligent questions, yeah." Deidara insisted.

"Whatever, just don't give me a headache when I take you and If you're lucky I'll take you again sometime.

"Pein, we're going to have to leave. Isn't that cable guy coming over later to install a new line?" Konan asked.

"Oh yeah, that is happening today. Maybe we should head back home. Hey we're leaving we'll see you all tomorrow." Pein said to Kisame.

"Okay, bye!" Kisame said and the two of them left the house.

"Oh my god! The bank drive-thru closes at 5:00! It's 3:00! I have to get to the bank! There's money there and I need to add to it!" Kakuzu was panicking.

"Kakuzu, I fucking swear you do this every single day except Sunday because you know that the bank is closed on Sundays!" Hidan yelled at him.

"I must get my money to the bank…they keep it safe and warm for me!" Kakuzu went running out the door before Hidan could argue with him anymore.

"Hey Deidara, what are you doing?" Tobi asked sitting as close as humanly possible to Deidara on the couch.

"Go away Tobi I'm very busy right now, yeah. I'm personalizing this rhinestone collar for Princess, yeah." Deidara answered him slightly annoyed.

"Oooooh that sounds fun can I help?" Tobi asked.

"No."

"Please?

"No, yeah."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeeeeeease?"

"No, yeah! Go away!"

"Please, please."

"No." There was a long pause.

"OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! OH PLEASE! YEAH!"

"OH MY GOD! FINE! FINE, YEAH!! IF YOU WILL JUST SHUT THE HELL UP FINE, yeah!" Diedara said more than pissed with Tobi.

"Yessssssssss! Tobi….wait a minute, wait just a minute….THIS SAME SCENARIO JUST HAPPENED! Ooooh, I get it…..this is payback to Deidara for all the stupid annoying shit he's done in the past twenty minutes…..

"Now listen, count out 17 rhinestones and lay them on the table, yeah. I'm counting 17 more out and laying them over here. Don't drop any, yeah! If I drop any of these Kisame will step on them and get pissed, yeah. Oh and don't touch the hot glue gun…it's hot, yeah. Look! I'm so going to glue her name on this pretty pink collar! And then me and Marisol are going to PetSmart and getting her a pink matching leash….and I'm going to put rhinestones on that too, yeah!!" Deidara was excited. "Oh my god she is going to look so pretty walking around the house, yeah!"

"Ooooooooh it's sparkley!" Tobi said looking at the rhinestones.

"Yes, Tobi now just sort them, yeah!" Deidara demanded of him.

"Hey Deidara, why does she need this collar anyway?"

"So she can look pretty when she walks through the house, yeah."

"Oooooh okay. Does Marisol know you're doing this?"

"No, it's a total surprise, yeah! I can't wait for her to see it! She will LOVE IT, YEAH!" So while the two of them worked on this project, Kisame and Zetsu were working on another project and pondering another project.

"Hey, here's a thought…listen to this….you know how it snowed 7 inches so far today and the driveway is covered?" Kisame said to Zetsu.

"Yeah?" Zetsu answered. "Wait….no Kisame we can't go run that stupid snow blower and make these dumb cat treats for Deidara at the same time."

"No, no….listen….what do you say we make Itachi go outside and shovel the snow….by hand off the driveway." Kisame said. Zetsu stopped beating the egg he was working on and looked at Kisame.

"Are you crazy? You won't get him outside to do that..that's like….like….getting Deidara to mow grass." Zetsu said.

"No, I really think we should. It would dethrone him for today. Besides, he's been a complete bitch since at least 10:30. Sshhh, here he comes….hey, um, Itachi…would care to help us out with something?" Kisame said smashing crackers for Princess's cat treats.

"That depends on what it is." Itachi said.

"We need you to go shovel the snow off the driveway." Kisame said.

"Oh, oh, Kisame….oh god you kill me with some of the funny stuff you say!" Itachi said laughing.

"Dude, I'm serious, go shovel the driveway. Sasori has to leave in a couple hours."

"Then make Sasori shovel the driveway." Itachi argued.

"Itachi, Saori has done 4 loads of laundry, cleaned a bathroom, paid bills, run the vaccum in 3 rooms, suffered through a phone conversation with his grandmother, and put up with Deidara. Now, you have been an asshole and read Vogue….that's what you've done today…now the shovel is outside get to work." Itachi had a shocked look all over his face.

"Well…I….I…FINE! Let me go get more clothes on." Itachi had no comeback and so he stormed off to get ready to shovel the driveway.

"See, Zetsu…and now the king tumbles from the throne. Are you done beating that egg yet I need to add it to the crackers." Kisame said.

"Yeah here you go. Hey um….why exactly are we making these cat treats for Deidara?" Zetsu asked.

"Basically, we have nothing else to do and unlike Itachi who's been a selfish bastard today we're doing something nice for Princess." Kisame said.

"Oh okay. Yeah, I guess that makes sense." Zetsu said preheating the oven. A bundled up Itachi came down the stairs ready to shovel the driveway. He was obviously pissed but at least he looked good.

"TOBI I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THE HOT GLUE GUN, YEAH!" Deidara yelled.

"Oh no! Deidara! It burns! It burns!" Tobi yelled.

"Tobi! Go run your finger under cold water, yeah. I told you not to touch that glue gun, yeah!"

3:30 PM

The cat treats for Princess were in the oven baking. Deidara had finished gluing the rhinestones on Princess's collar. "Oh my god! Come here Princess, let's see how pretty you will look in your collar, yeah." Princess came walking over to Deidara. He picked her up and fastened her collar around her neck. It's surprising that all the screaming didn't scare her to death…

"OH MY GOD PRINCESS YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, YEAH!"Deidara screamed. Just then Itachi opened the front door and appeared with a most exasperated look on his face.

"I cannot believe that I just went out there into the cold and did that! Look at me! My nose is red, my skin is dry and irritated! My feet are wet from these stupid ass snow shoes! And above all….I'm cold!" Itachi ranted.

"Hey, where have you been, yeah? Come look at Princess, she's so pretty!" Deidara told him.

"After I change. HEY SASORI! WHERE EVER YOU ARE I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!" Itachi yelled.


	8. Deidara: Challenges Nautica

4:00 PM

"Oh my god! Oh…..oh my god!" Kakuzu was obviously on the verge of panicking…oh wait, he was already doing that… "Oh my god! I'm the only one in this house that wears briefs! It's just me! Oh my god!" He said freaking out.

"Okay, um are you just now figuring this out? You've lived with us how long now? And by the way…why are you just now figuring this out?" Kisame questioned him.

"Okay, okay so I was folding a load of clothes that Sasori had left in the dryer…and as I was folding I realized to myself 'hey this load is mostly underwear' and then I just continued folding and then…I REALIZED ALL THE BRIEFS WERE MINE! OH MY GOD I'M UNCOOL!" Kakuzu yelled to Kisame.

"Now, Kakuzu…first….you've been uncool for a long time…you know with the whole fighting with Hidan and the money hungry obsession….yeah…those are alllll yours."

"Oh my god! I have to go to Wal-Mart. NO! I can't go to Wal-Mart….that will cost me money! BUT I HAVE TO BE COOL!" But coolness, comes at a price and I'm not willing to pay. But my underwear are horribly out of place!!!!! Yet, I should be okay with this since it speaks to my individuality. AAGGGHHHH! BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE A LEADER!" And Kakuzu's out loud argument with himself continued for the next 10 minutes.

"Okay, Sasori we need to talk….since when did you get all of these…you know…nice clothes, yeah?" Deidara asked seeing that Sasori was dressed and ready to pick up Lola in a while.

"I've had these clothes for months." Sasori told him.

"Well, I'm just not sure that I like all of this competition, yeah. I mean I know I'm way hotter than you and everything….but you are wearing Nautica and that means I have to go change, yeah." Sasori looked at Deidara and just blinked a few times.

"I swear there are days when you are way more…..you…than others. Oh, your cat is eating on of Kisame's plants. He's gonna kick your ass because it's his violets." Sasori said calmly.

"Oh my god! Princess! Don't eat that, yeah! Princess! You don't know where those yucky flowers have been, yeah!" Deidara picked her up away from Kisame's plants. "No, no, no, yeah! Don't be a bad girl!"

Now that Itachi had completely recovered from the fact that he had to do something, he had now completely changed clothes and once again had beautiful silky hair.

"It's really cold outside and I swear our mailman is completely crazy…he insists that my name is 'zebra'! What the hell? Oh here, Itachi this came for you." Zetsu said handing out the mail.

"Oh my god! This is what I've been waiting for! Deidara, look my free sample of that sunless tanner came in the mail today!" Deidara gasped still with Princess in his arms.

"Let's go try it out! Let's go try it out, yeah!"

"No! If you put that shit on, then you are not riding to Lola's office with me tonight!" Sasori warned Deidara.

"Fine, Itachi you can just rub it on me later, yeah." He said disappointed but holding Princess up to give her a kiss.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DEIDARA!? I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT RUBBING THIS ON YOU!!' Itachi yelled at him angrily.

"Well, Itachi I can't get to the hard to reach places on my back, yeah!"

"Oh….oh that's what you meant? Oh….well yeah…of course I'll help you out there. God, I thought you meant….you know what just never mind. I can't wait to try this out. If it's good we'll order the 32 ounce bottle." Itachi said.

"Oh! Can we order some of the tan accelerator too, yeah? You know for those much sought after summer months that will be here soon, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Yes, we will need that." Itachi told him.

4:30 PM

"I'm HOOOOOOOOOOOOOME, yeah!' Dana yelled as she came through the front door.

"Dana! Look what came in the mail today!" Itachi said shoving the sunless tanner in Dana's face.

"Oh my god! I so can't wait to try that, yeah! Guess, what the salon where Marisol works….just started carrying that sunless tanner as a part of their skin care line….AAAAGGGHHHHHHH! ISN'T THAT EXCITING, YEAH!" Dana screamed.

"Wow….that is wonderful!" Itachi said. He was excited about this.

"Tobi! Tobi! I need your help! I'm trying to install this Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner in the shower, seriously! Come read the instructions to me." Hidan told him.

"Okay.." Tobi opened up the instruction sheet. "Congratulations on the purchase of your new automatic…." Hidan cut Tobi off.

"No Tobi, just skip to the part about mounting it on the shower." Hidan said.

"Oh, okay. Grip firmly, the automatic shower cleaner bracket and remove the adhesive backing. Did you do that Hidan?" Tobi asked.

"Yes Tobi, I've done that."

"Now, press the bracket firmly to the shower wall and hold for 12 seconds."

"I'm going to press and you count the 12 seconds. Okay? are we starting Hidan?" Tobi asked.

"Yes damn it! COUNT!"

"When now? Do I count to 12 right now?"

"TOBI!"

"Oh, okay..1…..2…."

"No Tobi! There have already been at least 8 seconds pass!

"Oh sorry, 8….9…10…."

"Tobi! Damn it! Just shut the hell up! It's been at least 14 seconds have passed! Hidan let go of the shower bracket and it went falling to the shower floor. "STUPID ASS PIECE OF PLASTIC SHIT!"

"Hey, Hidan it says right here that you have to first apply the adhesive activator application BEFORE pressing it to the shower wall." Hidan sighed.

"Then why didn't you tell me that!" Hidan said picking up the bracket again and applying the crap to it. "There…1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12!" Hidan stood back. "There! Now that little bitch will stay put. Alright Tobi how do I put the cleaner in?"

"Take cleaner and remove cap. Insert cleaner into the blue grip lock upside down." Tobi read the instructions.

"It's not going in, are you sure this is what you do?"

"No…..oh wait…..did you remove the cap?"

"Yes."

"Okay don't turn it upside down. Insert the cleaner into the blue grip lock and close the safety latch."

"Tobi that is a completely different set of directions than you just read to me! Now which is it!?"

"It's the second set, do what I just read to you!" Tobi insisted.

"Alright, so leaving it right side up and inserting it into the grip lock?" Hidan double checked with Tobi.

"No…turn it upside down."

"TOBI!!!!!!!!!!"

"AAAAGGHHHHH! I DON'T KNOW TI'S CONFUSING AND THE WORDS ARE VERY SMALL!" Tobi whined nearly in tears.

"Give me those fucking directions! I'll fucking read the damn thing myself!" Hidan yelled at Tobi.

"Heeeeey! Look Hidan! Here's a customer service number maybe if we just called and…."

"TOBI YOU GIVE ME THOSE DAMN DIRECTIONS RIGHT NOW!" Hidan stepped out of the shower and snatched the directions out of Tobi's hand. He sighed. "Damn it Tobi, see, it's right here…step number 4!" Hidan handed Tobi the directions back and got back in the shower to finish installing the automatic cleaner. "Alright, there….it's installed. Tobi I'm going to try it out okay?"

"Alright Hidan I'm ready." Hidan got out of the shower again and started the thing.

"Sweeeeeet, it's working Tobi. Oh my god! Our shower is going to be fresh and clean every single day….oh god Kakuzu's gonna freak out though when he finds out I paid $11.99 for this thing. But damn check out that scrubbing action!" Hidan was obviously enjoying himself.


	9. Deidara Needs to Be Quiet

5:00 PM

"You will never believe what I found in our filing cabinet!" Zetsu said.

"What did you find….oh god please don't let it be an arrest warrant for one of us." Kisame said.

"No, it's a copy of our ACT scores." Zetsu answered.

"Why the hell do we have copies of our ACT scores?" Kisame wondered.

"Well, the leader keeps them on file that way if he ever has to explain to anyone how he chooses Akatsuki members he can say that he uses ACT scores, a personal interview and extracurricular activities."

"What the hell? The leader doesn't screen members that way!" Kisame said.

"Well no he doesn't…but it looks good and sounds good to people who think the leader is crazy." Zetsu reassured him. "Hey, check it out you got a 29 on your ACT that's pretty good!"

"Yeah, well I studied a lot." Kisame admitted.

"Let's see….oh Hidan got a 31, I got a 24. God, Sasori got a 38. Itachi got a 36, that's impressive. But you know he really is smart…he's just…got a very clouded mind. Kakuzu got a 25, Tobi got a 23 I wonder how that happened. And….then we have Deidara….he got a 16." Zetsu said reading off all the scores.

"Wow….I'm surprised Deidara even scored that high…god what the hell did he do during high school anyway?" Kisame said.

"He got laid….a lot." Zetsu told him. And speaking of Deidara…

"Deidara, if you're going with me to Lola's office you better get ready because I'm leaving in 15 minutes. I have to stop by Wal-Mart and get stamps." Sasori explained.

"Okay, hold on Dana is yelling for me, yeah. She put the sunless tanner on and it's been 10 minutes. I so want to see how it turned out, yeah."

"Well, hurry up." Sasori told him. Deidara hurried upstairs to check out the results of the sunless tanner.

5:15 PM

"Okay! Sasori, I'm so ready to go, yeah! You should see that sunless tanner it's just amazing, yeah! You know you really should consider using some of that, I mean you are awfully pale this winter and…"

"Shut up….go get in the car, I warmed it up. Hey, I'll be back later on tonight. Depends on how long me and Lola have to wait on a table." Sasori said.

"Do you want us to save you any spaghetti?" Hidan asked.

"Yeah, I'll pack it in Lola's lunch tomorrow." And so, reluctantly, Sasori let Deidara get in the Acura MDX.

"Oh my god! I like the interior, except how did you pick this out because Lola doesn't have taste, yeah. And I mean you aren't exactly trendy so I'm just wondering how in the work you decided on the leather…."

"Deidara…..you're talking….remember what we talked about?" Sasori told him.

"Oh yeah, okay." So Deidara quickly shit up but couldn't but still had trouble sitting still. Of course….Deidara simply couldn't keep his mouth shut for more than 27 seconds. "Hey Sasori, why is it we're going to Wal-Mart again, yeah?"

"I have to get stamps."

"Oh, okay. I like this car Sasori. It's a good thing Lola can afford to pay for this, yeah. You know she's like…oh my god it's like she could make you her bitch if she wanted to because of that high profile job of hers, yeah. You know there was this one time at art camp when….."

"Deidara, do you know how many stupid dumb ass stories I've heard about you and art camp?"

"Hey! Did Lola ever attend….I don't know some kind of camp for being smart, yeah. I bet she could get in. You know there are days when I think she even knows more than Marisol….and Marisol is really smart, yeah."

"Lola attended the Young Democrats Camp for 3 years….Marisol went to fashion camp." Sasori said dryly.

"Have I ever told you about the time when…."

"Yes, you told me about that." Sasori cut him off.

"Oh, okay. See I thought I did but I wasn't sure and so I was going to tell you, yeah." Once again Deidara managed to stay quiet for a good 27 seconds.

"Oh my god! I love that song! Camera flashing while we're dirty dancing! They keep watchin' keep watching. Feels like the crowd is saying GIMME! GIMME! MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME GIMME MORE! GIMME GIMME…..Oh! my god Sasori you just so hit the brakes right in the middle of my song, yeah.

"OH MY GOD DEIDARA! SHUT UP! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE BRITNEY SPEARS!"

"Sasori! That song is awesome, yeah! Oh you know what, the DJ played the special remix at the club when we were there on….."

"That's very nice Deidara…..I'm glad you had a wonderful time. Now we are almost at Wal-Mart!" Sasori said through clenched teeth.

"Hey! Maybe I could go to dinner with you and Lola! Oh my god that would be so much fun, yeah! I've never been to dinner with you two before! Oh, oh! We could share secrets and tell embarrassing stories about our coworkers, yeah!" Deidara's eyes fluttered in excitement.

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CO WORKERS! YOU AREN'T GOING TO DINNER WITH US AND IT WOULDN'T BE ANY FUN!" Sasori yelled at him as they were now parked in Wal-Mart's parking lot. "Alright, now come on we're only in here for stamps." Sasori instructed him.

"Hey, Sasori so I've always wondered something like for a long time, yeah. Why is it that you are always on top, yeah?"

"What are you talking about?" Sasori asked barely listening to him.

"Why is it that when and Lola have sex, you are always on top, yeah. Why is that, yeah? I mean I have so wondered that, yeah. Does that have something to do with the fact that Lola's 40 and you're 42 because if that's the case I want to know so I can plan ahead and….."

"OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL DEIDARA!? HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT I'M ALWAYS ON TOP ANYWAY? OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL….oh hi there, I just need a book of stamps." Sasori said calmly to the clerk who was obviously a little freaked out right now.

5:45 PM

Well, Deidara got so annoying that Sasori made him take a cab back to the house. So, now let's here how Lola's day went at the office.

"How did the day go, honey?" Sasori asked her as they looked over their menus.

"Listen to this…so I'm representing this woman right? And even though she's a total bitch we are going to blow this case right out of the water! The woman's crazy though, listen to this…just because I had a phone conversation with her about what her legal rights were… she transferred 500 dollars automatically to my account at the office! And….she's already promised me an extra one thousand dollars if we win the case…and we're going to win the case. I mean we have so much proof on this guy that he was seeing 4 other women while they were married that…god…this case is going to be a 20 thousand dollar case for sure. Oh and I have I ever mentioned how my assistant Sophie is a dipshit?"

"What did she do?"

"So, I walk in this morning and I ask her for the papers she was supposed to copy for me and you know what she says to me? She tells me that she forgot to copy anything because she was on the phone scheduling a nail appointment! I glared at her. God, I hate Sophie….she only works there because she looks like a fucking Playboy bunny…she doesn't even get shit done." Lola was in a delightful mood, not because her secretary was a dumbass…but because there was a great divorce case at hand.

6:00 PM

Hidan was now fighting with Kakuzu over Parmesan cheese. But at least the spaghetti was done and everyone else was enjoying it….except Kakuzu and Hidan. Neither of them were 'winning' the argument.

"Parmesan cheese is not cheese!" Kakuzu said.

"Yes it is you stupid ass! It's made from milk just like all the other cheeses! God how stupid can you be!?" Hidan yelled at him.

"No it's not!"

"Then what the hell do you think parmesan cheese is made from!?" Hidam demanded.

"I don't know! But it can't be milk!"

"You know what, just shut the hell up and go eat the spaghetti!"


	10. The Pigs in a Blanket

6:30 PM

"Go Princess! Go Princess! Go Princess Go Princess, yeah! Awwww, sweet little Princess! You got your catnip mouse, yeah!" Deidara encouraged her as Dana and Itachi watched Princess go berserk in the floor over her toys.

"You know, at least that cat distracts Deidara for a good 20 minutes." Zetsu told Hidan.

"It does keep him occupied, with the brushing and the bathing and the personalization of gay looking collars and leashes. Oh and not to mention all the shopping he and Marisol do at Petsmart my god! It's like it's their baby……oh my god the cat is their baby!" Hidan realized.

"Dude, he's kissing that cat on top of its fuzzy little head of course it's their baby." Zetsu said.

"Hey, does anyone want some cocktail sausages with the biscuit wrapped around it? Kisame asked.

"Yeah sure, that sounds pretty good." Hidan called back to him.

"Just make sure there is barbeque dipping sauce!" Itachi insisted.

"Yes, your highness." Kisame mumbled under his breath as he preheated the oven.

"Princess, do you want to play with the feather, yeah? Of course you do sweetie! Of course you do, yeah!" Deidara threw a feather into the floor for her.

"Dana you would look amazing in this silver Christian Dior dress in this issue of Vogue." Itachi said showing her the most recent issue.

"Oooooooh wow I so would, yeah! Oh my god I so need to call the boutique and schedule a fitting, yeah!" Dana said excitedly.

7:00 PM

Sasori and Lola arrive back home.

"Hey, you guys want some cocktail sausages wrapped in biscuit?" Kisame asked pulling them out of the oven.

"Aren't those called pigs in a blanket?" Lola asked closing the front door behind her.

"Oh yeah….I guess they are. Anyway, here they just came out of the oven if you want some."

"Well, we just had an amazing dinner but yell yeah we're not going to turn those down." Sasori insisted.

"I'm going to change clothes first, so save me some." Lola insisted.

"Okay honey." Sasori reassured her but sat down with Kisame to try the pigs in a blanket."

"I so can't wait for Marisol to get home, yeah! I have just GOT to show her these amazing new lip gloss colors I found in this magazine today, yeah. We MUST have them!" Dana insisted showing her new discovery to Deidara.

"Ooooooh wow! I SO LOVE GLOSS, YEAH!" he was very excited about this new set of lip glosses.

"Oh my god! Is that one a caramel dolce lip gloss?" Itachi asked her looking at Dana's magazine insert.

"Yes! With SPF 15!" she said.

"Oh we need those." Itachi said. Lola returned completely transformed into her 'after 7' look. It was a look that Hidan fell in love with…and he didn't try to hide it at all.

"Hey, um…hey Lola….Lola? Is that what you sleep in?" Hidan had to know.

"Damn! These are bitchin'!" Lola commented about the pigs in a blanket. "Oh what Hidan? Yeah, yeah I sleep in this. Oooh damn! Honey did you try this barbeque sauce?" Lola asked.

"Lola….what year bowl shirt is that?" Hidan was still asking.

"1993 Super Bowl Patriots against the Raiders, the Patriots won that year in an amazing overtime play that made the final score 34 30…hell yeah that was a good year."

"So……are you wearing anything under that shirt?"

"Hidan!? What the fuck? Sasori is sitting right there!" Kisame said.

"Yeah? So? He can tell me if she's wearing anything under there. I mean it doesn't have to be Lola telling me."

"Huh? Hell yeah I'm wearing something underneath this…oh check this shit….my patriots boxers!" Lola was so proud of her sleep wear. Itachi rolled his eyes listening to all this from the couch.

"God, why is she such a boy. I mean my god it's like she has no concept of what a woman wears!" itachi said low enough for Lola not to hear this.

"Itachi I swear I would NEVER wear a faded out t-shirt from 1993 to bed, yeah." Dana said very seriously.

"Oh Dana, honey, honey I know…I know that you aren't gross. Baby, the things you wear to bed are beautiful…I mean…..beautiful." itachi insisted.

"Oh my god! Tobi! Must you sit this closely to me, yeah!?" Deidara asked him irritated that Tobi was practically on his lap.

"Oh, yes actually I do. See, I'm talking notes on how to be a good cat owner." Tobi said.

"Well….don't!" Deidara warned him. "It's like so annoying, yeah." Deidara said.

"Are there any pigs in a blanket left?" Kakuzu asked.

"There's like 10 left." Sasori told him.

"Okay, then I'm coming over there to have one." Kakuzu joined Kisame, Sasori and Lola.

"Princess! Princess come on, it's time to go take a bath, yeah."

"Why do you bath that cat so much?" Zetsu wondered.

"To keep her clean and fluffy…it's fun to dry her with the hairdryer, yeah." Deidara said picking her up and taking her upstairs.

7:20

"Wow….wow I really should make these pigs in a blanket more often. Who would have ever thought something so ridiculously simple would be so damn good." Kisame said admiring his oven creations.

"Yeah, you'll have to make some of these for the leader the next time he has one of those Fourth of July cookouts." Sasori said.

"Oh god, remember the year he sat off like a hundred fireworks in his backyard and that stupid neighbor of his called the police because one of his bottle rockets landed in the tomato plants?" Zetsu reminisced.

"That was the worst Fourth of July party ever! All he had to eat was lemon Jello and pork rinds and he only had ice water….with no ice!" Kisame said.

"Yeah, that was a terrible party. That's probably why he didn't have any more of those things." Sasori added.

"But you know that really wasn't the worst part. What's really bad is that the leader put Itachi in charge of all future party planning and that's why that 'no white after labor day party' had a dress code, a pre approved guest list, and dance music all night…god that party sucked ass too." Kisame said rolling his eyes.

"Hey! I heard that! You know that I am an excellent party planner! I mean my god me and Deidara throw THE best parties! And you should appreciate the dress code enforcement otherwise you would have average looking people show up wearing crap!" Itachi insisted.

"Itachi, you threw the leader out of the last party you hosted….and it was his party!" Sasori said.

"He was wearing those annoying penny loafers with shorts! That just shouldn't even be allowed!" Itachi defended his decision.

"Okay, Itachi I'm going to take a shower, yeah. I'll be back in a few minutes besides I should probably check on Deidara and Princess, yeah." Dana said taking off upstairs.


	11. Marisol Comes Home

7:45 PM

Princess had been bathed and now she was a precious ball of fluff once more. This was good because Marisol would be home soon and she could hug her fluffy, clean baby.

"Okay, you know what. Since that cat is back downstairs and it's almost 8:00. I'm going to go get in bed with my book." Lola said.

"I'll be right behind you Lola." Sasori told her as she left to go upstairs.

"Why does she go to bed so early?" Kisame wondered.

"Because she gets up so early every day." Sasori said.

"I suppose that does make sense….but why do you go to bed so early with her?"

"Because I can have a conversation with her about the next day and if I didn't do that I would be stuck down here with you people just counting down the minutes until Tobi freaks out over the fact that we are out of pickles." Sasori explained.

"Yeah, what the hell is up with that? He goes freaking crazy when there are no pickles….and I happen to know that right now we have no pickles." Itachi said.

"You know…why does he do that when it comes to pickles…it's so…unnatural." Kakuzu said.

"Oh what the fucking hell ever Kakuzu! You know you freak out and go crazy when there's money gone from your checking account, seriously!" Hidan told him angrily.

"That is completely different! Pickles are pickles but that is my money!" Kakuzu said.

"No Kakuzu! You know that you have those stupid ass mental breakdowns over your money all the time! And oh my god it's so fucking annoying. Ooooooooh no I'm Kakuzu I completely act like a moron about my money oooooooh!"

"You shut your mouth! I'm Hidan I think my religion is the shit and I go crazy when others doubt holy Jasshin! Oh my god don't' challenge Jasshin! Oh my god! Believe in Jasshin or else!" Kakuzu mocked him.

"YOU TAKE THOSE SORRY ASS WORDS BACK! I DO NOT DO THAT!" Hidan yelled at him.

"YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME WHEN SOMETHING GO AGASINT JASSHIN!"

"I DO NOT! YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME AT THE BANK!" But in the midst of this lovely argument, they didn't notice what was about to happen in the kitchen…

"OOOOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOO! THERE ARE NO PICKLES! THERE ARE NO PICKLES! THERE ARE NO PICKLES! DEIDARA! DEIDARA HELP THERE ARE NO PICKLES!" Tobi was freaking out exactly as predicted. Only know he was rolling around in the floor like a maniac. No one had any idea why he did this over pickles but there was one fix…..

"Tobi! Tobi calm down! Tobi!" Zetsu tried to stifle him.

"PICKLES!!!!!!!!!!!PICKLES!!!!!!!!!!!PICKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Tobi! That's enough!"

"AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH THE PICKLES!"

"TOBI! Look Tobi, look! I have a gumdrooooooop!" Zetsu said dangling a red gumdrop over Tobi.

"Gumdrop? Ooooooooh a gumdrop! Oh I want it! I want it! I want it!" Tobi said jumping up to try and take the gumdrop from Zetsu. He had completely forgotten about the pickle incident. It was a good thing that Zetsu knew about this diversion tactic.

"Can I have it? Huh? Can I!? I want it! I want it! Can I have it Zetsu? Please can I have it!?"

"Alright now Tobi sit down here at the kitchen counter and be a good boy. You can have the gumdrop." Tobi calmly sat down and Zetsu gave him the gum drop."

"Okay, I am so glad that I got to see this now that I had to witness exactly what I didn't want to see I'm going upstairs with Lola. Sasori said rolling his eyes and walking away from this whole situation.

8:00 PM

"Okay, when Marisol gets home tonight she and I so need to decide what we are going to wear when we go to the gym tomorrow, yeah." Dana said.

"That's something you have to think about?" Hidan asked.

"Oh my god! Of course it is. I mean we wouldn't want to wear something stupid, yeah." Dana explained.

"O…..k….." Hidan said still slightly confused by this whole matter.

"So tomorrow is Friday. Are we going to have Pein and Konan over here for Pictionary night?" Kisame asked.

"No! Sasori and Lola are too good at that damn game! Their team ends up winning every single damn time! Me and Deidara never win!"

"No wonder Itachi because you and Deidara are always on the same team and you always pick Dana and Marisol to be on your team. And you know what, the last time we played you all even wanted Princess on your team now how stupid is that!?"

"Hey! We thought maybe there would be some cat questions to draw!" Itachi tried to defend this logic.

"Yes, we are going to have Pictionary night because it's always funny to see the stupid ass shit that Deidara draws." Zetsu said.

"Oh god I'll call Pein and tell him and Konan not to make plans." Kisame went for the phone to call Pein. "Hey Pein? Are you and Konan doing anything tomorrow night? Okay good, come over here at 7:00 for Pictionary night. Yeah, Sasori, Lola, Hidan and Zetsu will probably own everyone's ass but remember those stupid pictures Deidara drew? Oh god yeah those were freaking hilarious. Alright see you tomorrow."

"Deidara makes good pictures! We just had too much to drink last Friday and we were bad guessers!" Itachi yelled at him.

"Oh okay." Kisame said rolling his eyes.

8:30 PM

"I'm hoooooooome! Oh my god you will so never believe what happened tonight at ballet rehearsal. I completely ran into a wall and that is so unlike me but I just got a little carried away and…ooooooh Princess look at your pretty fur. Did Deidara give you a bath? Awwww, yes he did." Marisol said getting completely sidetracked from what she had started saying. "Ooooooh hi baby!" Marisol threw her arms around Deidara as he came to greet her at the door. Marisol was the only person that could still be a bubbly bundle of joy at 9:00 in the evening after a complete day of being gone. "Oh my god! Dana! Let me go get my dance clothes off and we'll decide what we're going to wear to the gym tomorrow!"

"She's home for 20 seconds and that's the first thing she thinks of?" Kakuzu asked. Deidara had gone upstairs with Marisol.

"Marisol! You've got to see this new lip gloss that Dana found tonight in a magazine. You have SO go to see it, yeah." Deidara was telling her all about it.

"Oooooh lip gloss! I love lip gloss!" Marisol said. Thank goodness this night was almost over.


	12. It's All Over

9:00 PM

"AAAGGGGGHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD!"

"AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH! YEAH!"" Marisol and Dana were incredibly excited.

"You know, it's 9:00. I don't understand how both of them still have that much built up energy." Kisame said listening to the screams of joy.

"OH MY GOD I SO CAN'T BELIEVE WE JUST WON CERTIFICATES TO THE SPA, YEAH!" Dana came screaming out of their room.

"You do realize we're talking about Dana and Marisol, right? You know….they have insane amounts of bubbly energy nearly all the time."Kisame explained.

"Hmmm…you do have a good point." Hidan said.

"DEIDARA! DEIDARA! OH MY GOD WE WON SPA CERTIFICATES ON THE RADIO!" Marisol went screaming back into the bedroom. Lola now emerged from her previously peaceful bedroom.

"YEAH….I WASN'T TRYING TO RELAX…..NO DON'T WORRY ABOUT SASORI OR ME. WE'RE JUST FINE WITH EXCESSIVE SCREAMING ABOUT DUMB ASS SHIT!" Lola paused because she could hear all the screaming and cheering behind their closed bedroom door. "Yeah, as usual Lola does not exist." Lola said and she returned to bed.

"Ooooh, I want to go to the spa, yeah." Deidara said slightly disappointed that only Marisol and Dana were going.

"Awww, baby you can go with us..but only we can get the mud mask and the lavender bath and the 30 minute massage, and exfoliating facial and a complete set of French tips….OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE SPA!!!!!!!!!" Marisol yelled.

"Okay, okay I have to get ready to curl up in bed but Dana tomorrow we plan for the spa!" Marisol said.

"Oh my god! I so can't wait, yeah!" Dana said immediately diving into her covers.

9:30 PM

"It's snowing again. I'm going to have to run the snow blower tomorrow. That will be so bitchin!" Kisame said getting excited about the falling snow.

"You know, tomorrow is Friday you don't have to go crazy with the snow blower Lola and Sasori are going to be the only ones out before noon." Zetsu told him.

"Oh don't kill my snow blower buzz. I MUST run the snow blower tomorrow."

"Whatever you say, Kisame. Hey where did Tobi go?" Zetsu wondered.

"He ate the gumdrop, ran upstairs spun around in a circle 37 times and passed out on the floor." Hidan explained.

"See, this is why the gumdrop is always a last resort." Zetsu said.

"You know I'm going to go count my money and head to bed too." Kakuzu said who was never one to stay up late.

"Okay, we're staying up for the news." Hidan announced. Hidan, Kisame and Zetsu were always the last ones to call it a night.

10:00 PM

By 10:00 every night Lola and Sasori were long since asleep. Usually, Marisol and Deidara were talking about something stupid and insignificant….tonight was no exception. However, to them…..this was a very intelligent conversation. Princess was curled up in the bed with them.

"Hey Marisol, how do you think subway cars never stop moving, yeah." Marisol thought about this intently.

"Hmmm…maybe….there are like….machines that…..wow….I do not know the answer to this." Marisol said.

"I know, I don't know the answer to this either, yeah. This is one of the more confusing things I've thought about today."

"We could go ask Dana or Itachi." Marisol suggested.

"No, they are too peaceful, yeah. And I would go wake Sasori up and ask him but he may beat me alive for that, yeah."

"I guess we'll never know until tomorrow." Marisol said.

"Marisol, do you think we'll ever figure these kinds of things out on our own, yeah?"

"Probably not." Marisol answered.

10:30 PM

We now draw to the end of our day with Akatsuki. Kisame, Zetsu and Hidan were still awake and they would not be going to bed until at least 11:00. As you can see their days are filled with many fun and exciting and pointless activities. Now is a time for the day to unwind, Tobi to stay out of trouble and Zetsu to get ready to deal with him all over the next day.

Sorry this chapter was so short! However, I want to break ground on my newest story: Akatsuki and….Grandma. Look for the first chapter very soon!


End file.
